A study by Statistics South Africa found that 44.4% of 25,526 divorces granted in 2016 concerned marriages yet to celebrate their 10th anniversary. The report published to mark the 2018 royal wedding between Prince Harry and Meghan also noted that “generally, the proportion of divorces for black Africans increased while that of the white population group declined from 2003 to 2016”.
Although formal divorce cases in other parts of Africa (such as Nigeria) may go as low as 1.2% - or 1.4% for separations , the official rates are likely due to cultural inhibitions and a lack of legislative content and exposure. Otherwise, the reality on ground indicates that up to 50% of marriages in all these countries get to be as good as divorce by their 10th anniversary as well.
As the US National Library of Medicine's document (just linked to) observed about Nigeria, “as duration of marriage increased, the odds of marital disruption increased”. Unfortunately, many African married people may now be settling with this trend as normal.
But no. Instead, marriages are meant to be enjoyable. “Happily ever after” marriages are possible. Indeed, they happen, and they are everyone's right. Just that there are factors - many of them subtle - that need to be put into consideration and conscious practice.
Why Are More African Marriages Dying Early? See What We Found
Most of us can rattle some common factors behind marital breakdown. However, a study we carried out recently exposes a major angle most people may not be thinking.
An Awake Digest team found that most marriages in modern Africa fail because either or both of the couples marry out of either desperation or pity. For us, this is a major mindset background to Statistics SA’s social research earlier quoted.
New economic realities are putting a strain on modern Africans. Unfortunately, many Africans are yet to realize this and therefore jettison outdated sentiments that are incompatible with these new realities. Thus, Africans in their numbers still associate an unmarried state with a stigma.
As a result of this scenario, far more modern Africans than you can imagine are going into the marital state without the necessary preparation. That's because they are driven mainly by mundane considerations like what people may think of them or of their proposed partner.
There's this particular example of a 44-year-old bachelor who got this urgent approach to getting married just because "market women make a mockery of me when I go to shop for groceries". How can someone be ready for the heavy task of marriage or parenting with this kind of motive?
This is one reason why there are millions of cases of ill-prepared parents across sub-Saharan Africa especially. Their effects are seen in a multitude of poorly raised kids fueling an intergenerational sweep of social vices across the continent.
As the saying goes, "he or she who fails to plan, plans to fail". Therefore soon, economic upheaval leads to emotional upheaval and inevitably takes a toll on the unions.
In Any Case, The Important Question For Us Now Must Be, “How Can We Arrest This Ugly Trend?”
One reason we must ask and answer this question satisfactorily to ourselves is to protect our children: We all should be familiar with how the children are often at the receiving end when marriages nosedive.
So, how are we helping to arrest the trend especially from the angle we've just identified?
To help out here, Awake Digest will soon hold a conveniently paced free online seminar over a week or two. In the seminar, a wide range of issues affecting African marriages - from cultural to personal - will be discussed and solutions offered. Couples are advised to participate together either using separate devices or, best, using single screens.
Participation Guideline
A single-screen participation between couples is recommended because it will make it easier to carry out certain exercises that will be a regular feature of the seminar. But where this is not possible, the use of separate screens is okay.
A hybrid participation is yet another option. This is to say that couples can use single screens when it is possible (like when they are at home) and use separate screens at other times (like when both or one of them is at work).
As for bitterly quarreling couples, a spouse can take the initiative to invite his/her spouse. That's the only way to prove oneself the more mature party.
Singles can also watch and learn from the shadows. Premarital questions will also be addressed.
When Will This Be?
We haven't decided on when the event will hold. However, when we eventually decide, it will be announced on our new WhatsApp platform where the event will also hold. So, to get updates on this, you can join the platform and wait. Thanks.
The Awake Digest Team
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